Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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