He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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