the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
