That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
