i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
