I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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