when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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