After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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