I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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