it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
