so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
