just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
