He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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