hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
