I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
