My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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