Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
