Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
