FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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