Im at strip club and am horny
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
