Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize