i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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