I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
