Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
