my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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