I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
