Porn is love you can see.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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