gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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