Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
