you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
