omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Vodka?
Forever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
