Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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