Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
