It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
