GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize