am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
