she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
