I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize