What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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