i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
