dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
