I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
