I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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