im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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