he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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