Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
