i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
