you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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