i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
