It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
