So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize