We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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