I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
