Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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