hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
