She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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