She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
