I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
