I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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