I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
