Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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