And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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