when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
