so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
