dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
