My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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