so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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