wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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