I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize