shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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